The Surreptitious Life of Johnny Cage
by LadyHellequin
Summary: To make myself useful in the Mortal Kombat realms I, Mokap, will be interviewing the charismatic and materialistic Johnny Cage. He arrives eight hours late for his interview which is set to be at his own mansion.


**Disclaimer**: This story is a one-shot. All recognizable characters, names and places are not mine. This story was written entirely for fun and for your reading enjoyment.

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To make myself useful in the Mortal Kombat realms I, Mokap, will be interviewing the charismatic and materialistic Johnny Cage.

Johnny Cage arrives eight hours late for his interview which is set to be at his own mansion. He is wearing a crimson robe, blue shades and furry ugg boots. I figure that his fashion stylist wasn't with him today. When he sits in his chair, a scent of the limited edition Johnny Cage: The One cologne wafts into my nose. He runs one hand into his tousled blonde hair making me envious.

"Your latest movie, Ninja Mime, was a flop at the box office. What are your remarks about this?"

I instantly wish I never said that, Johnny Cage cracks his knuckles at my query. We sit in a prickly silence, awaiting his response. After what seems like a few minutes, I decide to move onto the next question.

"You claim that you do your own stunts in movies, is that true?"

"Of course, I take my acting very seriously," said Johnny Cage. I study his answer and decide to show him the photos that contradict his reply. He takes a glance at the photos, narrowing his eyes from what I can tell. It is hard to distinguish behind his blue shades.

In the photos was a man in a muscular suit strapped to a harness.

"You're trying to deceive me? The great Johnny Cage thinks you are. These photos have been photoshopped, darn it! Are you questioning my ability to act?" He is livid and his arrogance glows to a point that I think it has now radiated into me. I feel more confident and decide to ignore his response and move onto the next question.

"Is it true that you have adopted children from a third world country—"I pause only to realize my mistake, "Sorry, I have the wrong notes in front of me." My arrogance dissipates and Johnny Cage is looking at me like I am in third grade.

After a quick break, Johnny Cage is back and sitting calmly in his chair.

"There are allegations made against you that at a Mortal Kombat charity event, you made some impolite remarks to other kombatants. Is that true?"

"No," I hear him mutter. His reputation among the realms is dwindling, just like Britney Spears. This isn't the Johnny Cage I see on TV, where is the charisma? I wonder now if it is all just an act.

"These are exact quotes that you apparently made during the charity event. You said that Shujinko looks like a straight Albus Dumbledore."

Johnny Cage shakes his head from side to side. His neatly plucked eyebrows pull down.

"What about when you told Kenshi that it wasn't time to whack the piñata even though you knew the reason why Kenshi wears a blindfold?"

His eyes bore into mine, his fists clench and I wonder any moment if he is going to shadow kick me.

"You told Shang Tsung that Botox was an easier substitute than killing and taking other people's souls."

"What's wrong with that? I'm just helping the population to remain stable rather than it decreasing. He'd be killing more people to try and remain timeless and ageless."

"Good point. But what about when you told Mileena that she should just go and get plastic surgery if she was that self-doubting enough to resort in covering her face with a veil."

"Come on...It was just a suggestion. I'm sick of this. Why don't you stop undermining me? All this is going to make front page in tabloids. It won't be when I kick your head off." I cringe at his harsh words.

Johnny Cage rises from his chair and pulls the sleeves of his crimson robe up to expose his biceps. He seems ready for battle which I'm not prepared to partake in. I check my surroundings for my quick getaway. Out of nowhere, a helicopter miraculously comes to my aid with a rope hanging for me to grasp onto. I seize the opportunity to get past Johnny Cage, run with vigorous speed, and plunge myself at the window. It shatters into a thousand shards as I plummet towards the dangling rope. I take a firm grip onto the rope, still clutching onto my interview notes that will now be in an Earthrealm magazine.

Johnny Cage pulls at his tousled hair in disbelief as I fly away from his luxurious mansion. I brandish the interview notes in my hand so he can distinguish.

"Any publicity is good publicity!" he retorts, which is hardly audible for me to hear.

A blur of horribly coordinated colours is the last thing I see of Johnny Cage.


End file.
